There are people who will never be happy. It’s not their fault, it’s just that they don’t know how.
He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have. ― Socrates
This past weekend, my family gathered to celebrate both my mom and sister’s birthdays. I’ve found that there’s nothing like this type of gathering to show me how truly lucky and fortunate I am to have the family that I do. Lying on the floor after eating so much, my eyes scanned the room and took in every smile, loud laugh, bad joke and dance move. My heart raced and I immediately knew what was happening — I was searching for more. Something to complete an already complete moment. I knew this because I’d been here many times before — always searching for more, even in the presence of perfection. It’s a bad habit and bad habits are often hard to break.
Life is so constructed, that the event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation. ― Charlotte Brontë
Every time I get what I want, I want something else. I’m afraid that as long as I’m breathing, there will always be a desire for more. When I think about what more means, I always imagine big moments. This desire for a life of constant fireworks is fed by the child in me who has always been a dreamer. The more I live of course, the more I recognize that fireworks wouldn’t be fireworks if they lit the sky every moment of the day.
A wedding, a child’s graduation, a dream job, life is filled with amazing, unique and one of a kind moments. We usually tie these moments to happiness but we forget that in these happy moments also lie moments of unhappiness. A wedding might eventually lead to a divorce; graduation might be followed by a long period of searching and joblessness; you could wake up one day fired and shattered from your dream job. The unique thing about Life is that there is a duality tied to every moment. We assign feelings to those moments — “it was good that I didn’t get on that plane” or “it was bad that I married that man”. What’s interesting is that Life sees all moments as neutral — perfectly woven strands of time designed without judgment to shape and mold us into the very best version of ourselves.
There will be some big moments and there will be smaller moments. There will be many moments that pass without our acknowledgment or appreciation. The common denominator in these moments remains us. We are in the big and small, the happy and sad, the excitement and the boredom; the impactful and mundane. We are the common thread. Moments and life situations change around us. The change is a given and a constant and it is not meant to fulfill us. No moment or life situation has the power to do that. We collide with misery when we try to assign these moments parts that they were never meant to play to begin with. Understanding that there is no fulfillment outside of the self is the end of suffering.
Gratitude is not a passive response to something we have been given, gratitude arises from paying attention, from being awake in the presence of everything that lives within and without us. Gratitude is not necessarily something that is shown after the event, it is the deep, a priori state of attention that shows we understand and are equal to the gifted nature of life. ― David Whyte, Consolations
What are you chasing? What do you think will complete you? Recognizing that this journey is a privilege is something that seems to awaken me out of my slumber of unconsciousness. I acknowledge that this moment, all of this, is enough — without anything else happening, without any more money or relationships, any more dreams coming true, without any expectations and aspirations, I accept that it, that I, am enough.